Thursday, October 20, 2011
Defensives
An example of me feeling disconfirmed or defensive was when I was at work. It was my first few days at work so everything was new to me. I was working at Safeway as a deli/ sandwich maker. I felt that I was going at a fairly reasonable speed when a customer came up and started complaining. There was already a long line and I'm still trying to learn how to make the different types of sandwiches. I started to explain my situation with him and he just gave me a scuff, a sigh, and rolled his eyes at me. I felt defensive about everything people were saying, fearful of messing up on my new job, I tried to defend myself from not just customers, but from workers. My boss explained to me that it's okay and to take my time. She also told me to not listen to them and that I'll pick it up very quick. It has eventually helped me out a lot that even with my new jobs, I don't worry about customers being rude about things. It taught me to just smile to them and explain to them. I have done all the defensive listening that are talked about in the book. There has been a situation where I have used each of defensive communication barriers when something happens. We all have and we can't avoid it. It is if we realize and try to avoid doing it that will make us into better communicators.
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I related to your post because I have experienced defensive climates at work. I was glad to hear that your boss was nice to you about your work speed when you first started at Safeway. It sounds like they were avoiding evaluation which is the defensive communication that my supervisor uses at work. She uses statements like "You shouldn't do that" "You should do this because the other way is ridiculous" or "I can't believe you did that". All of these statements make the employees feel like they are doing a bad job, and it causes a lot of stress for us. The interesting thing about it is that she was a communication studies major, so she disappoints me every time she uses defensive climates rather than supportive climates.
ReplyDeleteHi eyuen510,
ReplyDeleteI can relate completely about being on the defensive at a new job. When I started out at my first retail job, I immediately felt like an outsider and was always afraid of messing up. When you’re the new one on a team, it takes time to build a relationship with your co-workers who have been at it for a while. I remember some supervisors were more understanding than others, but some were more critical. I always had excuses and reasons prepared for when my superiors “scolded” me about doing something wrong. Those who were more descriptive in what I shouldn’t be doing and how I could improve made me more motivated to work better. I was always constantly apologizing or taking the defensive with customers when I messed up or they had a complaint, in fear that it would make me look bad in front of my boss.